In Totally Wired, I share an anecdote of a mom who saw that her teen daughter had posted a Corona ad on her MySpace page. The mom talked to her daughter about who might see that ad (like the parents of the kids she would be in charge of as a camp counselor) as a way to make the point that her MySpace is public. Now that loads of teens have moved over to Facebook and are under the impression that it's "more private," (see my recent post on this), they love sending each other virtual beers. I'm sure there will be virtual pot leaves soon if there aren't already.

My guess is that most teens sending and receiving virtual beers are probably drinking real ones at parties or at bars using fake i.d.s. If not, they think it's a way to make them seem cooler to people who are. I don't think anyone is going to not be hired for having virtual beer on their Facebook profile, but like anything you put up, it does say something about you. Separate from the conversations about drugs and alcohol you should be having with teens, I think it's worth talking to them to make sure they understand Facebook's privacy loopholes and are aware of what they are saying about themselves when they decide to give or receive virtual beer or post images of alcohol or pot on MySpace.

Update: Check out the latest Cyberfamilias column in the New York Times (reg. required) where "creepy" mom discovers teens also like to send virtual sex toys to each other.

Posted by anastasia at 12:40 AM | Permalink

My last two east coast stops on the Totally Wired Parent/Educator Tour were Thursday and Friday in Virginia. I have to confess, I wanted to cancel Friday night -- I was exhausted, and it hadn't stopped raining since I arrived on Wednesday. I thought, "What parent would come out on a rainy Friday night to hear someone speak about teens and the internet?" Still, I pushed through, driving to Annandale, VA, in the pouring rain, relying on my new BFF (the GPS lady) to get me there. To my surprise, when I arrived at the small parent center behind Annandale High, parents began showing up at quarter to 7 (always a good sign).

We actually had a full room with a very diverse crowd of parents from all different backgrounds. They had translators on hand to help some of the parents who didn't speak English, and there was even a reporter from the local Korean newspaper. After I spoke, one mother, who didn't speak fluent English, was copying down the 10 tips I offer at the end of my presentation onto her notepad. Another parent asked if she could try to recreate the presentation for more parents and wanted to know if it was copyrighted. My goal, and the goal of the tour, was to reach as many parents as possible. So copy these 10 tips, download the discussion guide, make copies and spread the word!

1. Ask them where they hang out online: Have them show you their favorite sites and games. Then have them help you build a profile, create an avatar, play the game.

2. Ask them about their privacy settings: Find out if their profile or blog is public for the world to see or just for their friends.

3. Be their guide: Help them evaluate and find credible Internet sources for homework as well as to be critical of sites they go to for fun.

4. Set limits: Tell them when to turn it off. Limit multitasking when studying.

5. Teach teens cyberethics: Emphasize what's different about bullying online, the public nature of the internet, plagiarism and cheating

6. Keep the computer in a central space: Even if they have a laptop up until they are 16 or you feel like you have built enough trust for them to compute in their bedroom.

7. Ask if you can be their online "friend" so you can see who their "friends" are: Some parents make it a condition younger teens (13 and 14) who may be on social networking sites for teens 13 and up.

8. Know their buddies: For younger teens, ask them to go through their IM buddy list and tell you who everyone is. If they ever want to meet an online friend in person, insist on going with them.

9. Encourage them to tell you when something bad happens: Promise you won't "take the internet away."

10. Talk about appropriate use: When to put their phones on silent, not to use text messaging acronyms in papers for school, not to record and post "hidden camera" images of their friends.

The Totally Wired Parent/Educator Tour is sponsored by Beinggirl.com.

Posted by anastasia at 12:18 AM | Permalink

I spoke to parents last night in Hyannis, Cape Cod, and sensed a strong desire to be able to control their teen's computer use as much as possible. Some of the parents were proud they had figured out how to successfully outwit their teens by being able to find out where they had gone online or having their son or daughter's passwords. Others seemed confident they had blocked their teen's ability to go on MySpace from home. Of course we know teens will find a way around that stuff, create multiple profiles and get on MySpace somewhere else.

At the same time, I'm prepping for a TV interview where I'm supposed to help parents learn "teen speak" aka acronyms teens are using in text messaging. The thought I keep having is, yes, parents need to engage and be involved in their teen's digital lives. But the notion that they can outwit them or stay a step ahead of them seems like wishful thinking. The teacher at the Hyannis presentation used the digital natives/digital immigrants metaphor to help parents better understand their outsider status when it comes to how intuitively teens get around online...and get around filtering and monitoring.

It's important for parents to have multiple conversations with teens, to be curious and ask them questions about where they go and who they're hanging out with online. With younger kids and tweens, filtering/blocking can be effective, but they'll figure out how to get around it eventually. I don't think every parent has to take computer classes to engage with teens about their digital lives (though it's certainly helpful).

Attempting to control teens (especially 15 and up) online, or trying to learn every acronym you think they might use is less effective than putting your energy into building open communication with them where you can talk regularly about what they're doing online, being safe, and using technology appropriately. You're not going to become a "digital native" by taking a computer class. To me that term describes growing up using this technology and not needing classes or manuals to figure it out (in a basic intuitive sense -- I don't think the average teen is a full blown computer geek). By letting them be the experts, you can ask them to sit down and show you their favorite sites and how they work, ask lots of questions about privacy, about what they post and more in the process. Teens tend to be disparaged by most adults for being loud, obnoxious, rebellious, etc. This is an opportunity to show them some respect and admiration for something that comes naturally to them.

You don't have to be a computer whiz to be a "totally wired" parent (and if you make that a requirement, it's too easy to put it off and not get involved). You don't have to know every acronym (you can't know every acronym). You can begin to engage right now by just talking to your kids, sit with them at the computer, ask who's on their buddy lists, ask them to show you where they go, set limits on technology use and teach them information literacy and appropriate use.

The Totally Wired Parent/Educator Tour is being sponsored by Beinggirl.com.

Posted by anastasia at 5:04 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Are we different online than we are in person? Is this the same as being different around your boss than you are around your friends? And, does spending lots of time communicating digitally damage our face-to-face communication skills?

These are some of the questions spurred by growing up "totally wired." Unless you're online as a character either in a game or an avatar with a different name and personality, I don't think you're fundamentally different than you are offline. You may be expressing another dimension of your personality or say more than you would IRL, but it's still one aspect of you. And depending on the context, i.e. a profile on a professional network vs. a personal profile or blog, you may reveal more or less about yourself. That said, it is easier to lie about yourself online -- nobody can see your eye twitch! I do think that when the balance tips to spending too much time communicating digitally vs. face-to-face, something is lost. Young people are beginning to get this, too. A few quotes from a recent CNN article on how college freshman are using Facebook illustrate this:

"There is always the underlying suspense that they are not [the same] in person as they are online. Sometimes it's easier to meet people in person because then you can judge body language and vocal tone."

"[Online,] you don't know how honest someone is being about themselves. You can't detect any gaping and obvious annoyances that would be easy to see in person."

"It's harmless to chat with people in groups and get to know the kind of people you'll be meeting. But it's more important to meet people on campus, it will be much easier for these friendships to grow. Facebook should just be a starting-off point for meeting new people, and more importantly, a way to keep in touch with people you meet in real time."

There was a recent study by a Harvard Business School professor that basically asserted using gadgets/tech too much to communicate is making us more shy. It can definitely become a crutch. It's just easier to engage in conflict or deal with a difficult situation online than face-to-face. But easier isn't always better or appropriate. While it seems like it should be common sense, I think part of raising kids and teens in this digital age is not only setting limits on technology use, but teaching them when it's appropriate to text and when it's crucial to talk.

And...that it's also crucial to tell your teen to "Turn down your iPod!"

Posted by anastasia at 7:11 PM | Permalink

David Pogue asked his summer interns to come up with a list of the latest internet acronyms and published them in today's New York Times, reg. required. I also listed a bunch of acronyms in Totally Wired, which were reprinted with permission from last summer's CBS News Online series on GenTech. My favorite? JUOC (Jacked Up On Caffeine). I could use a coffee right about now...

* GI -- Google it

* MOP -- Mac or PC?

* FCAO -- five conversations at once

* IIOYT -- is it on YouTube?

* DYFH -- did you Facebook him/her?

* BIOI -- buy it on iTunes

* CMOS -- call me on Skype

* GGNUDP -- gotta go, no unlimited data plan

* WLF -- with the lady friend

* JUOC -- jacked up on caffeine

* 12OF -- twelve-o'clock flasher (refers to someone less than competent with technology, to the extent that every appliance in the house flashes "12:00")

* SML -- send me the link

* RHB -- read his/her blog

* MBLO -- much better-looking online

* KYST -- knew you'd say that

* NBL -- no battery left

* CTTC -- can't talk, teacher's coming

* TWD -- typing while driving

* CMT (CMF, CMM, CMB) -- check my Twitter (Facebook, Myspace, blog)

* CYE (CYF, CYM, CYB)--check your email (Facebook, Myspace, blog)

And a few just for iPhone owners:

* SPLETS -- send pics later; Edge too slow

* CSVUI -- can't send video, using iPhone

* BPWMI -- boss playing with my iPhone

* SIK -- sorry, iPhone keyboard

* OOM -- out of messages (for iPhone users who haven't upgraded their AT&T "200 messages a month" plan)

Pogue also suggested some funny acronyms adults and parents can use when talking to young people, too!

* WIWYA -- when I was your age

* YKT -- you kids today

* CRRE -- conversation required; remove earbuds

* WDO? -- what are you doing online?

* NIWYM -- no idea what you mean

* NCK -- not a chance, kid

* B2W -- back to work

* AYD? -- are you drunk?

* LODH -- log off, do homework

* DYMK? -- does your mother know?

* IGAT -- I've got abbreviations, too

Posted by anastasia at 11:25 PM | Permalink

In the recent podcast interview I did with EdTech Live, the interviewer, Steve Hargadon, said "So the message of Totally Wired is basically 'Don't panic.'" When I heard that, I thought, "Yes! That's my message!" As I continue to try to share this message with parents and educators, I am more and more aware of how other people are framing this issue. I wrote about this awhile back in a post about press releases that cause panic. I believe that the people behind these press releases genuinely care about kids' safety, but there are always other motivations at play.

With politicians, it's often about knowing that drafting legislation that deletes predators and protects children will always be popular, even if the legislation itself doesn't address the real issues or creates a whole new set of problems (i.e. blocking access to social networks in public libraries cuts off low-income teens who don't have the internet at home). And with companies that create products that block, filter or monitor what kids are doing online, the message that gets parents to buy their products is often laced with fear and worry.

I received an emailed press release from Symantec about their recent town hall meetings designed to get parents and kids engaged around being safe online. While I mostly support what they're doing, I still think the campaign relies too heavily on making parents worry about predators and cyberbullying instead of taking a more holistic approach to bridging the gap between parents and teens around teens' digital lives.

They have to do this because they want parents to buy products that will allegedly make them feel more safe and secure. And in order to want to buy something that makes you feel safe and secure, you have to create the opposite feeling in your potential customers. They have also partnered with Miss America -- the feminist in me cringes knowing this woman had to walk the stage in a swimsuit and high-heels in order to win her title. Lauren Nelson's platform is "protecting children from the dangers of the internet," which was inspired by her own experience: "When Nelson was 13, she and her friends gave their name, age and location to someone online who was later discovered to be a sexual predator."

What Symantec found when they polled youth isn't surprising to me.

- According to the June 2007 poll, parents of children under 18 who access the Internet think their child is online three hours a week, on average, but children ages 8-17 admit to spending an average of seven hours online a week, and nearly a quarter (23 percent) report doing things online that their parents would not condone.

- Twenty-one percent of children have reported having an experience with inappropriate material via the Internet that made them feel uncomfortable

- Eighteen percent of children have had an experience with cyberbullyng or cyber pranks (such as receiving messages, images or videos intended as a joke or prank)

- Twenty-three percent of children have had an encounter with a stranger on the Internet, including seven percent of children who reported having met someone in the real world from the Internet

- Twenty percent of children wish their parents were more interested in using the Internet

The last statistic makes me happy. If you view the internet as a virtual public space that reflects (and at times amplifies) what happens in the "offline world," then it makes sense that kids would encounter strangers, inappropriate material and bullying. It also makes sense that kids would try to get away with doing stuff online their parents wouldn't condone, just as they do at the mall or at a party or anywhere parents aren't looking. I'm glad Symantec is promoting dialogue -- it's needed, and it sounds like at least 20 percent of kids are open to it. I just wish we could frame the discussion as something other than being about "the dangers of the internet."

Posted by anastasia at 4:53 PM | Permalink

I get asked a lot in media interviews about how safe certain sites are for kids and tweens (under 13). What I say is that while no site is 100 percent "safe," in that an adult could possibly sneak on posing as a child or that your child might be bullied in an online community. But I definitely think sites that are expressly for kids under 13 are going to do everything they can to protect the kids on their services. Why? Because if kids under 13 are their primary audience, they have to get permission from parents for them to collect personal information when they register (it's the law), and because if something happens to a child on their site, it could destroy their business. Most of these sites restrict what kids can say to each other in text chats and have active community managers engaged on the site for kids to turn to if something doesn't feel kosher.

That said, I'm not saying the owners and operators of sites for teens 13 and up (where teens are their primary audience) aren't doing what they can to make their sites safe. But it's easier to put a lot more disclaimers out there when you have a site where 14 year olds can interact with 25 year olds on the same service. And, when you have millions of users like MySpace or Facebook uploading thousands of photos and videos or posting blog entries every hour of every day, you just can't screen it all.

What's confusing for a lot of parents are the sites that look like they are for kids but really aren't. A lot of these virtual worlds use avatars that look like they would be popular with younger children and tweens. Sites like Zwinktopia, Gaia Online, WeeWorld, IMVU and Habbo Hotel. Parents: These sites are for teens 13 and up. You can find this out by reading the site's privacy policy. Every site has a privacy policy -- you can usually find it in a text link at the very bottom of the web page. It's a lot of legalese and disclaimers, but it will say whether the site is for teens 13 and up, and if it does allow kids under 13, it will talk about the need to get your permission before they can collect your child's personal information. The media might refer to the sites I listed as "tween sites," but they are really teen sites. Part of being a totally wired parent means doing your own investigation (by clicking the site's privacy policy) to make sure a site your child may be attracted to (because of how it looks) is really appropriate for them to hang out on. For a quick cheat sheet, check out this list composed by Izzy Neis.

Don't forget to download the Totally Wired Discussion Guide!

Posted by anastasia at 9:39 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

I've been posting a lot about the culture of fear that has been created around the internet as it relates to online predators. The reality is that most teens are pretty savvy about ignoring sexual predators online -- what they're not as savvy about is identity theft. It's a nightmare for victims, filling out a rental application only to discover your credit has been completely destroyed. Evidently just posting your first and last name, date of birth, and high school is enough for a criminal to attempt to open a credit card account in your name. Teens are prime targets for identity theft because they have no credit history giving thieves a clean slate. According to this article from the BBC:

Credit information group Equifax said members of sites such as MySpace, Bebo and Facebook may be putting too many details about themselves online.

It said fraudsters could use these details to steal someone's identity and apply for credit and benefits.

According to a recent local news story, here are the top five ways teens can have their identity stolen online:

* Posting your real name, address, date of birth and high school on a social networking site like MySpace or Facebook.
* Talking with strangers online and meeting them in person.
* Filling in your social security number in an online job application.
* Not being able to recognize scam emails or phishing scams.
* Storing personal information, like your social security number or bank pin number in your phone.

A good resource for information and support for victims of identity theft is The Identity Theft Resource Center. You can also listen to a podcast interview with Larry Magid and Linda Foley from The Identity Theft Resource Center about this issue.

Posted by anastasia at 3:10 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

I feel like a broken record when it comes to the media's coverage of anything having to do with teens and predators. Of course "To Catch A Predator" is back on the air and earning high ratings, and so the fear and sensationalism around this issue continues. For example, take this latest write up from Media Life Magazine:

Study: Youths asked to share nude pictures online
With worries about sexual predators on MySpace rising, there’s now even more reason for parents to fret about their children on the internet. Some 4 percent of American youth reported receiving an online request to send a sexual picture of themselves during the last year, according to a new study published in the August issue of The Journal of Adolescent Health. Researchers at the University of New Hampshire surveyed 1,500 internet users ages 10-17 over the phone. Only one of the 65 youths who received a sexually explicit request actually sent a picture. Researchers found girls and African-American youth are most at risk, particularly if they are with friends. Researchers say groups of kids might dare each other to take risks they wouldn't take if they were alone.

First off, there is not even more reason for parents to fret. Parents have always known that there are some creepy people in the world, and that it makes sense they would be online, too. Secondly, how many of us (teens included) receive the barrage of spam from lonely women in Russia wanting to talk or countless Viagra emails? Four percent (small number) of teens said they received a sexually explicit request to send a photo. Almost every teen (except one) clicked delete, blocked that person or simply ignored them (I'm saying this, the survey would probably just say they didn't respond). Is it shocking that teens might encourage each other on to actually send a naked photo? No. Teens encourage each other to do stupid things all the time. It's part of being a teen. Part of being a parent means talking to teens about where that photo can end up (on thousands of websites, and that it's nearly impossible to take it down once it's out there).

Being a totally wired parent means reading between these headlines and finding the good news in these studies often buried in the last sentence.

Posted by anastasia at 8:38 PM | Permalink

The Associated Press has been busy playing catch up on what's happening with teens and tweens online. Two recent stories do have some useful info for parents:

- Kid networking sites force parents to act early (info and tips about the "Club Penguin" set and how kids are using social networks as early as 6 -- common sense stuff like setting limits, don't forget to make them play outside, too, etc.) (AP via MSNBC)

- The real deal on predators (please read this important story on what really puts teens at risk - [hint: it's not just posting a little too much personal info]. See also: my similar piece on PBS's Mediashift) (AP via Forbes, you have to click through the annoying welcome screen ad)

Finally -- I mentioned in my earlier post this week that teens should not be texting when they're driving (and neither should you!). Seventeen's new study says they are, which means it's time to talk to your teen about what they're doing behind the wheel.

Posted by anastasia at 8:45 PM | Permalink

It almost sounds like multiple personality disorder, but the reality is that we all present different faces to different audiences. For teens, the face they present to teachers, parents or other adults with authority over them is much different then who they are with their friends. For adults, it's the same -- you're not the same person with your boss as you are when you're complaining about work to your colleagues. What's different about the internet is that teens and many adults are having these conversations online, where they can be discovered, forwarded or printed out. What used to be a bunch of girls gossiping "behind closed doors" is now chronicled on MySpace or Facebook.

Because of this, it's very important for parents to talk to teens about managing their online identities. Here are some simple talking points parents can use to talk about this issue.

If it's purely social, use increased privacy settings. Part of the fun of social networking is communicating digitally with the same friends teens see at school or are keeping in touch with. It's also occasionally meeting someone new. Teens can adjust their privacy settings so that only their friends can see their profile. They can still accept new friend requests but they will avoid people stumbling upon conversations, photos or inside jokes meant for friends vs. everyone. You have to warn them that even if these profiles are private, there is always a chance a photo can be copied and pasted somewhere else.

Google yourself. Have your teen Google him or herself to see what pops up. They may discover other people have been talking about them or that a photo they thought was just for friends ended up on someone else's blog. It's a good exercise to make sure they realize that potential employers or recruiters will do this to, and to begin taking an active role in managing their online reputation. This may mean sending an email asking someone to take something down or figuring out how to make sure that entry gets buried in search results.

Launch a portfolio site. Suggest that your teen launch his or her own portfolio site to present a more professional identity to the world. They can upload artwork, writing, post their resume and keep a blog about whatever they might be interested in studying or pursuing. The goal is to get them to begin thinking about their professional identity. And by keeping a public portfolio and blog, this content will most likely rise to the top of Google searches, pushing down less desirable references. The more positive content they can put out online about themselves the better.

By engaging with teens about this topic early, you may be able to prevent them from having to learn the hard way when something pops up they never thought would go beyond their circle of friends. It's a life skill for the 21st century. If young people are going to have public personaes that can be copied, pasted, mashed up and manipulated, they need both a thick skin and the skills to manage their reputations -- both personal and professional online.

Posted by anastasia at 4:51 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Teens have always experimented with drugs without their parents' knowledge -- at a park, in a car or at a party. Sometimes even at home, right under their noses. Because this generation of teenagers has grown up chronicling their lives online, and because the internet reflects what teens have always done offline, it makes sense that teens would talk about their drug use and attempt to find drugs or alcohol on the web. My generation didn't grow up with the internet -- we had to offer the hapless adult on the street cash to go buy us beer.

USA Today published a story today about how teens are chatting up their drug use online. Like most sensational stories about teen internet use, this one does its job by making parents feel that there is something new and scary happening with teen drug use because of the internet. Is there more information about drugs online? Yes. Is some of it inaccurate or completely bogus? Yes. Is some of it actually accurate and really helpful? Oh, wait, they didn't mention that in the story. Will teens get bad information about drugs and sex from their peers? Of course. They get that offline, too. If anything, the fact that teens are actually documenting their drug use publicly and openly means you can find it and intervene. My guess is that teens in recovery are also talking about what that feels like and inspiring other teens as well.

The best prevention method for teen drug use is talking to your teen. Start early when they're tweens. Give them real information about different drugs, their effects and the risks. Talk to them about not ever driving drunk or impaired. Even if they screw up and get drunk or high, tell them to call you, and that you'll come pick them up. No questions asked. Just keep talking to them. Bookmark a website like the NIDA, where teens can get solid information about each drug and what it does. Just say no to painting the internet as a new negative force every parent should fear (it's appropriate to be concerned and engaged, but there is no reason to be afraid) -- especially when it's simply reflecting an issue that's always been around, and if anything, bringing it out of the shadows.

The USA Today story did include this nifty glossary of teen slang around drugs:

Candy flipping: A high by combining LSD or acid with Ecstasy.
Crank: Low-quality crystal methamphetamine.
Crunk(ed): To get high and drunk simultaneously, as in, "Yo, we've got beer and weed. Let's get crunked."
Dank: An especially strong type of marijuana that is sticky and hairy. Also, something really great. "That's some strong dank."
DXM: Dextromethorphan hydrobromide. A drug found in over-the-counter cough medicine, which in large quantities causes hallucinations. "I'm out of weed, let's trip on DXM."
Hotboxed: Smoking marijuana in a confined space so it fills with smoke, as in, "Let's hotbox the car."
Krippy: Highest grade of marijuana
Shake: The end bits of a bag of marijuana. "All I've got left from my stash is some shake."
Skag: Heroin
Skunk: A crossbred type of marijuana.
Triple Cs: Coricidin cough and cold medicine. In large quantities, it causes hallucinations. "I'm out of X, but I've got Triple Cs."
Yay: Cocaine

Source: Nielsen BuzzMetrics, USA TODAY research

Posted by anastasia at 7:55 PM | Permalink

From me! I'm answering parents' questions about what teens and tweens are really doing online over at PBS Parents. Check it out.

Posted by anastasia at 2:32 AM | Permalink

This was the provocative title of this story in the UK journal spiked. I had to click. We all know that kids' and teens' time has grown increasingly structured. This is a departure from my generation (X), where we were the "latch key kids," home alone after school while mom and dad were both at work.

Today's parents are spending more time with their children (even if they don't really know what they're doing online). At the same time, the media's constant coverage of child abductions (usually white child abductions) and lectures on keeping kids safe from everyone and everything may actually be denying children a chance to grow up, be in the real world alone, make mistakes and learn from them. We may be teaching kids to mistrust every adult stranger because you can never be too safe. I get it. And I'm sure when I do become a parent myself, I'll get it on an even more primal level. Still, these are interesting questions to consider. According to the piece:

The report argues that parents are denying children the freedom to mess around with friends, a freedom that we ourselves once enjoyed. Play is essential for children and young people, the report points out, because it allows them to practice making and consolidating friendships and dealing with conflict. That means being given the space to play away from adult supervision. Yet according to research by Play England, a campaign group sponsored by the National Children's Bureau which calls for kids to have access to good and free local play space, in 2003 67 per cent of 8- to 10-year-olds and 24 per cent of 11- to 15-year-olds had never been to the park or the shops on their own.

An NOP survey commissioned by The Children's Society found that 43 per cent of adults thought children should not go out unsupervised until they were 14 years old. Other research has found that in 1970 the average nine-year-old was free to roam 840 metres from his or her front door. By 1997, that had shrunk to 280 metres.

I've written here before that I think a lot of online communities have become the new virtual mall for teens since many overscheduled teens no longer have access to these types of unstructured hang out spaces in the "real world." I do think it's essential that parents are aware of where teens are hanging out and engage with them about what they're doing on these sites. I also don't think you can or should be with them online at all times, or monitoring everything they're doing online secretly.

As a parent you teach your child ethics -- play nice with others, don't cheat, etc. The goal is for your child to apply these lessons in the real world with others as a part of growing up. Parents should teach these same lessons as they apply to teens' digital lives emphasizing that the web is a public space, that anything you post (or someone else posts about you) can be copied and sent spread virally, and once this happens, it's hard to take down. People can hide behind anonymity or pose as other people. Technology can create a sense of emotional distance between people making it easier to be mean or for your tone to be misunderstood. Don't share your password with your friends or boyfriend or girlfriend. Don't talk to adult strangers online, especially if they give you the creeps.

Even after you've covered all of this with your kids, you have to do the hardest and most important thing a parent can do -- let go. Hope they will come to you if they screw up or something bad happens, and just try to remember, you somehow survived your adolescence -- they will, too.

Posted by anastasia at 1:30 AM | Permalink

My good friend has given up on her cellphone. It's her 1-year-old son's favorite toy -- so it's often in his mouth or he's holding it up to his ear. Obviously, he has no idea what it is. He just likes the sounds it makes, especially when it plays music. Kids are beginning to engage with technology younger and younger. The market research firm NPD just released a report saying the age at which children start interacting with electronic media, gadgets, hand-held digital-media toys and such dropped, from 8.1 years in 2005 to 6.7 years in 2007. Is it healthy for younger children to begin what will probably be a life long relationship with gadgets at 7...or 1?

I'm doing a stint as a PBS Parenting Expert right now, and my first question was whether an hour of computer time is too much for a 4-year-old. I'm not a child development expert, but it feels like 4-year-olds should still be spending time with other children playing, getting dirty and touching stuff. So an hour or two is probably the maximum amount of time for a 4-year-old to be spending on the computer.

There was also new research released by Jupiter about tweens and cellphones. You guessed it -- more parents are buying them for their kids, as a protective measure. According to the report:

Parents surveyed said that nearly half of 12- and 13-year-olds would have a mobile phone by the end of 2007, while a third of those ages 10 to 11 would get their own mobile phones.

Nearly a fifth of parents added their children to existing plans because it was affordable. The cutoff age was 10 years old, with parents saying it was unnecessary to add kids younger than that to their plans.

Most parents who added children to their calling plans said that they wanted their kids to be able to reach them. Incentives like free phones are also helping convince parents to add children to their mobile calling plans.

As kids begin to become "tethered" to gadgets and technology at earlier ages, it's more important than ever for parents to play an active role in setting limits and encouraging moderation. It's just too easy to spend hours on Club Penguin or attached to an iPod or texting in the middle of the night on a cell phone. It's also too easy to call mom and dad for advice or help with every little thing when they're on speed dial. It's important to teach kids to be independent, too. Parents have to tell kids and tweens when to turn it off and set clear boundaries around using all of these tech toys...I'm not sure putting phones in your mouth is such a good thing ;-)

MIT professor Sherry Turkle had a great quote in this New York Times, reg. required, article on virtual worlds for girls (you can also read my article on this over at BusinessWeek). She said: "If you're lucky enough to have a kid next door," she said, "I'd have a play date instead of letting your kid sit at the computer."

Posted by anastasia at 11:55 PM | Permalink

I remember watching the VH1 "documentary" on the connection between rock, rap and porn more than a few years ago -- the program showed how porn stars were beginning to appear in mainstream music videos. This trend has been continuing for the past several years and has been well documented in books like Pornified and Female Chauvinist Pigs. It's basically "girl power gone wild" -- that by "reclaiming" (or just copying) the porn-like poses and sexy dress that men find so attractive, you gain a feeling of being powerful...and may even find success as a Pussycat Doll.

The Associated Press published an article on the topic over the weekend that expands this trend to the creep of internet porn into mainstream sites like MySpace. The writer interviews a therapist who says that high school girls are telling him they have performed sexual acts in front of a webcam for men they are meeting online. Given the hysteria the media has whipped up over what's happening with teens online, I feel like I need to say that while this may be happening, it is not the norm -- the majority of teen girls are not performing sexual acts in front of webcams for men they meet online.

What may be more common are the provocative photos girls put on their MySpace profiles. It's a combination of what Liz Perle, the editor in chief of Common Sense Media describes in Totally Wired as the "Monkey See, Monkey Do" behavior of girls copying their celebutante heroes like Paris Hilton, and, in the webcam case, I would argue, a sign of trouble at home or past victimization -- it's risky behavior.

The increased sexualization of girls and women in our culture is troubling as is the blurring between pornography and mainstream entertainment. What's sad is the underlying message girls are getting and believing, in part because it's true -- it's a way they can feel powerful instantly and it can lead to a certain kind of fame and celebrity. And for girls whose parents never talk to them about embracing their sexuality and feeling comfortable in their own skin (vs. just preaching abstinence), the allure of being sexy in this way can be very compelling. There were two quotes in the article that stood out for me. This one:

"If you 'act like a man,' in that sense, you're trying to grab hold of that same kind of power, that same kind of lifestyle -- and claim male privilege...The problem is, you're still female and it's still a man's world." - Julie Albright, a sociologist at the University of Southern California, who is working on a book about "players," men who juggle more than one sex partner and earn a title of esteem for behavior that much of society still frowns upon for women.

And this one:

"To be sure, it can make you feel powerful to know that you are arousing strong feelings in other people, that you have their attention and admiration," says Eileen Zurbriggen, a psychologist at the University of California, Santa Cruz, who helped compile the APA report.

"This is the same sense of power experienced by charismatic rock stars and politicians. But politicians also wield other kinds of power. They can make actual changes to the legal, economic, and geopolitical landscapes -- changes that have far-ranging impacts.

"Women," she says, "might be better off developing other sources of power."

Like everything else, the internet is simply reflecting and amplifying a cultural trend. The bigger question is how can we as a culture find new ways to validate girls and young women for achievements that may lead to them finding real power in the world -- instead of power defined by a stereotypical male version of female sexuality reflected by the porn industry and now celebrated in mainstream media?

Here are three great resources for parents to check out related to these issues:

Respect Rx (loads of tips on empowering girls)
Common Sense Media (amazing resource for discussing the media your kids consume)
Sex, etc. (a resource devoted to discussing teenage sexuality in a more holistic way)
New Moon (a magazine for pre-teen girls - I'm on their advisory board!)

Posted by anastasia at 7:36 PM | Permalink

I love this story in the Pittsburgh Post Gazette about "Nature Deficit Disorder." Basically kids and teens are spending more time inside with their media and less time going to national parks or doing other outdoor recreational activities. When I was on Forum the other day, one caller won me over by suggesting that parents send their kids to summer camp to unplug. I was a summer camp junkie and couldn't wait for June to roll around every year and for my parents to ship me up to Maine where my grandma lived. Here are some other ideas parents can try to address "NDD":

1) Go white water rafting. It's not exactly like playing video games, but spending a day with your family paddling through rapids can be just as much of an adrenaline rush.

2) Saddle up. Nothing connects you to nature like riding an animal. My guess is that it's pretty hard to text and control your horse at the same time. Go for a trail ride with the whole family.

3) Experience an eclipse. The next time a lunar eclipse or some big meteor shower is happening, stay up with your kids and go out and witness it -- first hand.

4) Catch your meal. Unless you are a vegan or don't believe in killing any animal for food, fishing can be a fun, relaxing way to spend time outside -- and being able to eat what you catch kind of connects your kids to the food chain in a whole new way.

5) Change with the seasons. Take the kids to seasonal stuff -- cherry blossom or lilac festivals, apple picking or pumpkin patches in fall -- most parks have some sort of seasonal activity happening winter, spring, summer or fall. It's a nice reminder that the earth keeps on turning and seasons keep changing no matter what's happening on MySpace.

And yes, unless your child absolutely hates summer camp and refuses to ever go back, send your tween or teen to camp (one with no computers or cell phones). Not only will it cure their NDD, but you get a break, too.

Posted by anastasia at 11:34 PM | Permalink

Whenever I give my book talk to parents, I always get asked the same question: Are teenagers going to lose their social skills? My sense is that teens are immersed in totally wired communication using every digital tool at their disposal: IM, MySpace, texting, cell phones...They are having to learn when it's appropriate to communicate digitally and when they should talk to someone face to face and even when it's appropriate to IM or text in shorthand and when a longer correspondence is necessary. For example, most teens get that dumping someone via text message is lame (but of course some "lame" boyfriends and girlfriends still do this).

I've posted here before about the Harris Interactive study in which teens characterized their friendships that involved both online and offline communication as being more meaningful than friendships that were just face to face. Like anything else, it's all about finding the balance. My answer to parents who ask this important question is -- they are figuring it out, and they need your help.

Sherry Turkle, a professor of the social studies of science and technology at MIT, who has written extensively about our relationship to technology, voiced her concerns about this in a recent Forbes article. She wrote:

And what of adolescence as a time of self-reflection? We communicate with instant messages, "check-in" cell calls and emoticons. All of these are meant to quickly communicate a state. They are not intended to open a dialogue about complexity of feeling. (Technological determinism has its place here: Cell calls get poor reception, are easily dropped and are optimized for texting.) The culture that grows up around the cell phone is a communications culture, but it is not necessarily a culture of self-reflection--which depends on having an emotion, experiencing it, sometimes electing to share it with another person, thinking about it differently over time. When interchanges are reduced to the shorthand of emoticon emotions, questions such as "Who am I?" and "Who are you?" are reformatted for the small screen and flattened out in the process.

A huge part of growing up are those marathon conversations you have beginning in late high school and continuing throughout college -- pondering the meaning of life, politics, religion and heartbreak at coffee shops and in dorm rooms. I think if these conversations all happened on discussion threads online, something would be lost. Maybe just looking into the bleary tired eyes of your best friend and realizing that neither of you are making sense any more and it's time to go to bed.

Posted by anastasia at 4:43 AM | Permalink

It's been an interesting process "honing my message" about why I wrote this book. In some ways I feel like with every new group of parents I speak to, it becomes more clear. Sensationalism breeds fear. And fear-based parenting or decision making is not going to bring parents and teens closer together.

According to a new survey, adult Americans were ranked 17 different health concerns for children living in their communities. Internet safety was ranked number seven, after teen pregnancy and above school violence, STDs and abuse and neglect.

There has been a lot of headline grabbing coverage of online predators or stranger danger and what kids and teens are doing wrong online or with cell phones -- whether it's bullying, stalking, or posting inappropriate content. There are predators out there, but the reality is most teens just ignore them or delete them like the creepy spam they are. And yes, teens make stupid choices sometimes (I'm sure we all remember a few poor choices of our own), they just have a more public forum to do it in. But the reality is that teens are using technology to do mostly benign stuff -- listen to music, write on a blog (yes they're writing!), keep in touch with old friends, make plans, connect with other teens around similar interests or causes, decorate they're MySpace page or avatar as a way of expressing themselves.

Parents will often say to me, "I just don't get why they have to instant message" or "why do they spend so much time doing that stuff?" When you think about what teens are doing from an adult perspective, it doesn't make sense. But when you try to remember how much time you spent as a teen just hanging out with friends talking about a whole lot of nothing, or talking to a boyfriend or girlfriend you thought was the "end all be all" for hours...about nothing, you start to understand how being able to do this digitally as well as in person is appealing, and well normal.

My message is this: Teens are still teens, doing all of things teens have always done -- just digitally. The nature of technology raises some different and challenging issues: it's public, permanent, viral, anonymous (or it can be), distancing and has an addictive quality to it. Because of these issues, parents need to step up, engage, discuss, limit and guide teens in their use of technology. You can't do this effectively from a position of alarm or fear. That's my message and I'm sticking to it.

Posted by anastasia at 5:46 PM | Permalink

Note from Anastasia: I originally wrote this post for the "Fearless" section of the Huffington Post, which has been focusing on relationships between mothers and daughters.

My teen years were tough. My mother and I couldn't have been farther apart. She was a "Messianic Jew" drunk on the religiosity of the South [I grew up in Nashville], and I was determined to rebel as hard as I possibly could. She was born again when I was five, and my dad just stayed out of it all pretty much up until they finally got divorced my senior year. I didn't have the internet to meet and hook up with guys -- just bars I snuck into or older guys I met at parties or at my part time job. I didn't have to lie about my age online, I perfected lying about it in person. There was no cell phone for me to say I was where I was supposed to be -- just elaborate plotting and hoping I didn't get caught. No MySpace bulletins to tell me where the party was -- just old fashion word of mouth that spread from friend to friend like the telephone game with the person's address whispered from one teen to another.

I was 16 when my mom flipped out after picking up the phone and overhearing me talk about getting the pill from Planned Parenthood. She threatened to take away my landline phone and stereo, and said she wouldn't let me go to school or have friends. I got to keep my stereo (and my friends) and graduated from high school. It's amazing that we survived this period full of "I hate you!s" (that would be me) and "Go ahead and leave, I'll pack your bags for you!s" (that would be mom). Today she lives across the country and keeps up with my life mainly through reading Ypulse (where she is also forced to also keep up with youth marketing trends). We talk on the phone at least once a week.

Now mom is a therapist and does a lot of counseling with adolescents and their parents, and I just wrote a book for parents trying to calm their fears about what teens are doing online. Funny how we always try to fix the hard parts of our lives through our career choices. I try to inspire parents to engage with their teens about what they're doing in their digital lives, which have basically become extensions of their offline lives. But I'm realizing it's not just learning the features of MySpace or Facebook or text messaging acronyms that will make parents and teens or moms and daughters closer. It's the parenting 1.0 stuff -- the challenge of balancing being the parent and setting limits with helping teens become young adults through gradually building trust and giving them more responsibility. It's keeping your teen's identity and mistakes separate from your own issues. This is especially important when they come home pierced, wearing black lipstick with a boyfriend or girlfriend who has even more piercings and black lipstick. Throw in being a confidante who won't judge them when they actually tell you stuff (or take away the stereo...I mean the iPod), and you've got the hardest job on earth. Even though I'm not a parent yet, having been that troubled teenager, I feel your pain.

I tell parents if your teen actually lets them be their friend on MySpace or Facebook, it's an opportunity to know more about them then they would most likely verbally share with you about their lives -- this is especially true with boys, who tend to be notoriously tight lipped during their teen years. Again, you have to have already built up a pretty solid relationship with lots of open communication and good will to actually be "accepted" as an online friend. I don't think mom and I could have been friends then, on MySpace or in "real life." But I'm glad we are now.

Posted by anastasia at 7:16 PM | Permalink

Last night I watched an episode of "The Simpsons," where Marge discovers the internet after being called out at a PTA meeting for not having an email address! Soon she's doing price comparisons on paper towels, checking the weather without having to look outside, and playing a role playing game that seems like a combination of Everquest and World of Warcraft called "Earthland Realms." She gets completely sucked in, spending hours online, not sleeping, and then discovers that the evil, most destructive character is, of course, Bart. Soon she is "mothering" her evil knight in the game (much to his dismay). Redecorating his lair with Hello Kitty was the final straw causing Bart to accidentally kill mom in the game. Of course he revives her, and then is killed by the rest of the players and decides to just "go outside and play."

One of the things I tell parents when I'm speaking is to find out what games their kids like to play online and play it with them. It's an easy way for parents to understand the appeal and the addictive nature of some of these games and ideally to set limits on how many hours your kids spend playing them (if you don't get sucked in first yourself!). "The Simpsons" episode also speaks to the natural tension that will happen if you try to get too close or spend too much time inside your kids' digital worlds. That said, I interviewed a mom for the book who regularly beat her two sons at their favorite video game. Like everything else in parenting teens, it's push and pull -- you need to step inside their digital worlds to get a better understanding of how they are spending their time, and then you need to step back out.

Here's a great commentary from Wired on the challenges of being a gamer and a parent. And check out Common Sense Media's video game reviews and ratings.

Posted by anastasia at 5:49 PM | Permalink

Yesterday I posted over at Ypulse about how the students running one of the Facebook memorial groups basically told the media to go away and that they could not use any of the personal photos posted. I've been watching young people grapple with the notion of what it means to be public for the past year and a half and have commented before that I think it's evolving -- a lot has changed since I wrote the book proposal for Totally Wired.

When I first started, I think was this general cluelessness that anyone except the handful of friends who you know read your profile or blog would ever read it. Hypothetically people could, but teens just didn't really allow for that possibility. As they wrote about other friends or people at school, who would later find out, creating major drama, many teens began to get that either they shouldn't gossip on their blogs or MySpace profiles or make them password protected. You can take that same scenario and apply it to a friend's parent finding their page with inappropriate language, photos or videos on YouTube, or even a prospective employer for a summer job. The gist is that, they start with that notion, post and then the fallout teaches them that lesson. Some teens just watch their friends learn that lesson, and decide it's enough for them to be more careful, too.

Next you have the intense media coverage of these sites, especially in newspapers and on the local news. Teens' one cool hangout that adults were clueless about is suddenly outed in a big way -- and the coverage isn't positive. Parents who still don't really understand how the site works are reading about how dangerous it is, listening to law enforcement tell them horror stories at parents' nights. and watching "To Catch A Predator." Many teens get these presentations, too, and girls are now especially nervous about the concept of being hunted down because of what they put online (though many continue to post photos and their school's name). Parents begin searching MySpace and finding their teen's profiles. Cops are now on MySpace and begin to bust a few local parties. Many schools have blocked the site. Many teens increase their privacy settings on MySpace and open Facebook accounts (now that they can), with the notion that Facebook is somehow more private. Facebook takes members' posts and publishes them in a newsfeed only for your friends, yet because it was done without members' consent, young people complain that its an invasion of privacy.

Today, the amazing folks at The Pew Internet & American Life Project, published their latest report on exactly this issue, showing the many shades of grey around young people's sense of public and private. Overall, the report shows a generation beginning to grapple with these issues, using some degree of privacy settings, but still posting more public information than many adults are comfortable with. This paragraph from their report really shows how complex this issue is:

"Our survey suggests that there are a wide range of views among teens about privacy and disclosure of personal information. Whether in an online or offline context, teenagers do not fall neatly into clear-cut groups when it comes to their willingness to disclose information or the ways they restrict access to the information that they do share. For most teens, decisions about privacy and disclosure depend on the nature of the encounter and their own personal circumstances. Do you live in a small town or big city? How did you create your network of online "friends?" How old are you? Are you male or female? Do your parents have lots of rules about internet use? Do your parents view your profile? All these questions and more inform the decisions that teens make about how they present themselves online. Many, but not all, teens are aware of the risks of putting information online in a public and durable environment. Many, but certainly not all, teens make thoughtful choices about what to share in what context."

Newsletter readers visit Totally Wired for the rest of Pew's high level findings.

Continue reading "Private, Public Or Somewhere In Between" »

Posted by anastasia at 4:35 PM | Permalink

When I was in New York, I went into a fancy recording studio to record some audio to help promote the book. The first two clips are now online:

Tips for becoming a Totally Wired parent
Tips for becoming a Totally Wired educator

Have a listen and forward these links to anyone you think would be interested.

Posted by anastasia at 11:36 PM | Permalink

Jane Magazine published a story about online stalking meant for its twentysomething audience, but I think the sidebar tips are great for parents, too. Whether it's a stranger/stalker or even if a teen is being stalked by an ex-boyfriend, girlfriend or friends, do the following to prevent stalking and deal with it if it happens to you:

1. Don't post your last name, email address, phone number, schedule, company name [school name for teens] or neighborhood either.

2. Look over your profiles and make sure nothing reads like a schedule of where to find you...

3. Use the privacy settings on MySpace and Facebook -- they each offer all sorts of safety features, like blocking people from copying your photos or blocking anyone without a last name or without an email address attached to their account.

4. Keep your IM "away" message vague...don't tell them exactly where you are when you're "away."

If you are a victim of stalking:

1. Don't respond to your stalker. Michelle Garcia of the Stalking Resource Center says, "If he calls 24 times and you answer on the 25th time and say, 'Stop calling me,' what it says to him is, 'It's going to take 25 phone calls to hear her voice."

2. Call someone [for teens, tell their parents, but they can also call these hotlines]. A victim advocates association like the Stalking Resource Center (800-FYI-CALL) or Safe Horizon can help you assess the threat and explain your legal options.

3. Use your sixth sense, if you don't feel safe call the police [or tell your parents]

4. Document harassment. Print out emails. Take photos of texts. Record phone messages. Keep gifts or letters that are sent to you. All of this will help paint a picture for the police of what's freaking you out.

5. Trace anonymous messages. If you're getting emails from an anonymous source, it's possible to trace the IP address to a specific computer server...teens or their parents can report the online stalker to your internet service provider.

The Stalking Resource Center has this great article on what's different about teen stalking and these suggested interventions:

Effective Interventions

While interventions may be difficult to implement, protecting teen victims is crucial. So the question then becomes: how does one intervene? What interventions are most effective?

Because stalking behavior is unlikely to "just stop" on its own and because all stalkers have to be considered potentially dangerous, it is important for parents, educators, service providers, and criminal justice system practitioners to understand the scope of the problem and have strategies to address it:

- Reporting: Teens must be encouraged to report the crime, and adults must learn to respond appropriately when they do.

- Avoid victim blaming: Adults should avoid blaming teens for being victimized or doubting their accounts of their experiences. Fear that parents will adopt an "I told you so" attitude when they learn about the stalking prevents many teens from revealing the problem to adults. So when a teen takes the initiative to report an incident, the person receiving and investigating the matter must take it seriously, be honest, and remain open-minded. If the matter reaches the juvenile or criminal justice system, the sanctions imposed should be designed to send the message that stalking is a crime and will not be tolerated.

- Revise state stalking statutes: Ultimately, stalking statutes and protective order statutes should be examined and modified, if necessary, to encompass stalking behaviors that are prevalent among teens while taking into account that teens do not respond to crime and victimization as adults do.

Posted by anastasia at 3:17 AM | Permalink

Week one of the book launch was really fun (the pic to the left is of my in-laws, including my brother-in-law and my mom to my right). I got to celebrate in New York City at the Used Book Cafe with some of my oldest friends (including my best friend from high school -- we joked about how "totally unwired" we were back then) and I did my second book reading/speaking event at the Monroe Township Public Library in New Jersey. I also got to speak to a crowd of mostly women technology executives at the Blogher Business conference about how teens are using social media. What I'm loving the most about actually getting to talk to people about the book is the personal stories they share with me as well as the Q&A.

I was really impressed with how involved a couple from Monroe Township was in setting limits for their 16-year-old daughter. They allow her to be on MySpace, but her profile has to be private. They also have a set amount of time she can spend online, and they have encouraged her to get involved in softball and other offline activities to ensure balance. They are not afraid of her getting mad at them for doing this. She chafes at the limits, but respects them and can live with it.

Another parent told me about how her teacher gave all of the students "tablets," which they are supposed to take home and do all their work on. She was struggling with the school imposing technology use on her home turf and how to set limits when the computer was "for school." Sometimes I think schools purchase technology, distribute it, but maybe don't take the time (or have the time) to engage with parents about how it is meant to be used at home. I think it's really positive for schools to give students laptops who might not have computers at home, but they can't do this without really involving parents in the process.

Along the same lines as setting limits, I think that we are in a time of serious information overload and media saturation. The big question everyone is trying to figure out is whether growing up with all of this technology is a good thing for this generation. What will the effects be? I believe overall it is "good" and exciting, but I also think that it can be too much if teens don't have knowledgeable adults to both set limits and act as guides. This means helping kids and teens to process the media and marketing they consume and to become media literate. Parents can't do this without talking to teens about what sites they visit and spending time online yourself. Once you are online, you can help teens figure out the best college site to search on or help them find a credible internet source to use for their homework. Check out the sidebar on page 144 in chapter six for how to determine the credibility of a website. You can also talk to them about images or marketing they see in all of the media (television, movies, games, etc.) to make sure they aren't just drinking it all in blindly. I think Common Sense Media provides an excellent source to empower parents to be more involved in their children's media consumption.

This week I will be speaking and signing books at The Youth Marketing Mega Event in Huntington Beach as well as at The Spring Institute, a youth librarians' conference in Michigan. Upcoming Bay Area bookstore appearances include:

Wednesday, April 4 SF book launch party sponsored by Bebo at The Public in San Francisco, CA, at 7 p.m.

Monday, April 9 Cody's Books in Berkeley, CA, at 7 p.m.

Thursday, April 12 Borders Books & Music in San Rafael, CA, at 7 p.m.

Saturday, April 14 Cover to Cover Booksellers in Noe Valley/San Francisco, CA, at 7 p.m.

Monday, April 16 Books Inc. in Burlingame, CA, at 7 p.m.

If you have already bought the book, thank you! Please consider reviewing it on Amazon, and don't forget to download the discussion guide.

More pics from week one of the book launch:

At the book launch party...

My brother-in-law Marc, looking "totally engrossed"...

Talking to parents at the Monroe Township Public Library...

Posted by anastasia at 7:18 PM | Permalink

I was in a cab in Toronto last week when The John Tesh Radio Show came on. I vaguely know of John Tesh from Entertainment Tonight and his new age music, but I didn't realize he had a radio show. Anyway, John was talking about Bill Gates and his 10-year-old daughter. Gates allegedly only allows his daughter 45 minutes of online free time a day (in addition to homework). He lets her spend an hour online during weekend days.

I found this really interesting -- obviously Gates is communicating to his daughter that spending time hanging out or playing games online should be done in moderation. It's a pretty strong message and a fairly restrictive limit. It would be so easy to spend two hours online just IMing and playing games as a 10-year-old.

In the parenting chapter of Totally Wired, I emphasize that every parent is different in their values, philosophy and style/approach to these issues. Today a reporter asked me if I had some blanket advice for parents of tweens, and as I spoke to her, I realized, yes, I do. I define tweens as kids ages 8-12:

Keep the computer in a public space: Even if you have more than one - tweens are not really old enough to have computers in their bedrooms with the door shut. Plus you can periodically look over their shoulder and occasionally check their browser history.

Tweens are not old enough for teen/adult social networking sites: This means no MySpace, Bebo, etc. They're technically not old enough to sign up, but they can easily fake their age. Make sure they don't -- these virtual publics are a mix of teens and adults, and tweens are just too young to play in this space. Sites I recommend: Club Penguin (for younger tweens), Zoey's Room (for girls), Imbee, Nicktropolis and Whyville.

Insist on knowing who is on your tween's IM buddy list: When they get older, you can probably relax this, but from 8-12, you have every right to know. This is also the time when cyberbullying is most rampant so be sure and talk about proper netiquette to your tween as well as warn them about sharing passwords.

Take a cue from Mr. Gates: Set time limits for recreational computer use. Make sure your tween is still reading books, exercising and spending some time playing outside. Balance is key.

Posted by anastasia at 12:54 AM | Permalink

The other day I read a reporter's query looking for experts to explain (from a psychological perspective) why teens who seemingly never get into trouble are now posting bullying videos on YouTube or other inappropriate content online. It's as if the reporter's working theory was that "the internet made me do it." I don't believe any teen who is getting into trouble online wouldn't be getting into trouble offline. It's just that when you do it online, the public nature of the internet means more people know about it.

Last week, a company called Teenage Research Unlimited released the results of a survey that found "more than a third of the teens questioned for the survey said a boyfriend or girlfriend had harassed them with text messages, and a quarter said their partner had used a cell phone, e-mail, blog or Web chat to insult them." According to Reuters, "the survey was released at the launch of the loveisrespect.org, The National Teen Dating Abuse Hotline, an Internet and telephone service to help teenagers involved in abusive relationships."

Ironically, another research company, Harris Interactive, also released a survey (.pdf) arguing that most teens get when it's appropriate to use technology to communicate about sensitive issues and when it's not. Two in three youth would not break up with someone and two in five would not argue with a friend over phones, email, instant messaging, text messaging or social networking sites. I wonder if there is a gap between teens saying they "realize that communication tools may not be the best avenue of discussion" and actually replacing these tools with a phone call or in person conversations.

My take is just that teens are teens, sometimes they are impulsive and inappropriate. And with dating violence, technology just offers teens another tool to manipulate and control a victim. The biggest challenge for parents and educators in being able to use teen mistakes as teachable moments is that you often don't hear about them. The Teen Research Unlimited study pointed out that "most victims of the abuse are reluctant to discuss it with their parents." Here's why:

Asked about why they had not told their parents about the abusive behavior, nearly half said the problem was not serious, and more than a quarter said they feared losing access to the technology, either cell phone or computer, the survey said.

This applies to anything that goes awry in cyberspace. If they fear the punishment is losing access, teens will most likely not talk to you about what's going on. I would suggest telling your teens they can always talk to you about what's happening in their lives, online and off. Preempt their fear by encouraging them to tell you when bad things happen online and letting them know that you won't take away their access to technology. Depending on the severity of the situation, you may get more involved in their technology use (if they are being bullied, change their email address, IM names, report the incident to your internet service provider, etc.), but even if they are the ones screwing up, tell them you won't cut them off (at least not forever).

In sort of related news:

There's always "better parenting through technology" with new software being developed to allow parents to set detailed parameters on their children's phone use. And AT&T/Cingular is also offering parental controls for wireless.

Update: Rick emailed to say: "I would like to offer a partial answer to your question of why teens who never get in trouble, send offensive e-mail/make offensive videos. There is a certain anonymity present on the Web (we encourage it even to protect the kids). Behind this anonymity, teens feel free to act other than what they normally would.

Just as a historical perspective, one of the comments about the Civil War soldiers who first joined the army, they acted in a manner completely opposite to what they would do at home (gambling, cursing, drinking, other stuff). The anonymity afforded by being a part of a large group of men in a location far from home, removed the restraints from their inhibitions (much like the Internet-although that's pushing the analogy a bit).

It's one of the paradoxes of the Internet, "avatars" protect our kids' security but by the same token, the anonymity allows the kids to act in ways that jeopardizes the security of others."

Posted by anastasia at 11:24 PM | Permalink

Emily Nussbaum wrote a must-read piece for New York Magazine on the emerging "generation gap" being caused by this generation's comfort level with living their young adult lives publicly online. She writes that the new gap goes something like this:

Kids today. They have no sense of shame. They have no sense of privacy. They are show-offs, fame whores, pornographic little loons who post their diaries, their phone numbers, their stupid poetry -- for God's sake, their dirty photos! -- online. They have virtual friends instead of real ones. They talk in illiterate instant messages. They are interested only in attention -- and yet they have zero attention span, flitting like hummingbirds from one virtual stage to another.

Do a quick gut check. Is this your perception of today's teens? Does it ring true as you watch your own teens chatting away over IM or when you happen to discover one their friend's MySpace pages, which might be littered with "inappropriate" photos?

Nussbaum writes that while "more young people are putting more personal information out in public than any older person ever would...they seem mysteriously healthy and normal, save for an entirely different definition of privacy."

She also points out three big differences between this generation and generations past:

They think of themselves as having an audience - Blame it on the confessional nature of reality TV, but the new reality is that adolescents are experiencing a phenomenon danah boyd calls "invisible audiences."

Since their early adolescence, they've learned to modulate their voice to address a set of listeners that may shrink or expand at any time: talking to one friend via instant message (who could cut-and-paste the transcript), addressing an e-mail distribution list (archived and accessible years later), arguing with someone on a posting board (anonymous, semi-anonymous, then linked to by a snarky blog). It's a form of communication that requires a person to be constantly aware that anything you say can and will be used against you, but somehow not to mind.

In a new world where anyone can become a celebrity either on reality TV or YouTube, Nussbaum explains that "every young person in America has become, in the literal sense, a public figure. And so they have adopted the skills that celebrities learn in order not to go crazy: enjoying the attention instead of fighting it -- and doing their own publicity before somebody does it for them."

I thought this difference (having an audience) was the most interesting and underlies her other two differences:

They have archived their adolescence through blogs, profiles, videos and other aspects of their digital trail that remain online.

Their skin is thicker than yours.

This does not mean, as many an apocalyptic op-ed has suggested, that young people have no sense of shame. There's a difference between being able to absorb embarrassment and not feeling it. But we live in a time in which humiliation and fame are not such easily distinguished quantities. And this generation seems to have a high tolerance for what used to be personal information splashed in the public square.

So what does this new reality mean for parents and educators working with teens? Should you impose your own values about privacy and what's comfortable for you onto them?

I think adults have to understand these changes and be ok with the reality that young people are more comfortable living their lives both online and off. This doesn't mean adults from previous generations should abdicate their rights as parents. I think Nussbaum glosses over the real life fallout teens, parents and educators are experiencing when teens overshare online. Whether teens are cyberbullying, posting or even emailing sexual images, or just talking smack about their friends, the drama being created is real. And as long as law enforcement, school administrators or prospective employers continue arrest, prosecute, suspend, expel or not interview young people for the inappropriate content they are posting, I don't think having a thick skin is enough to prevent the real consequences that are happening -- whether you consider them to be overreactions or not.

Parents still need to be in constant dialogue with teens about internet safety and ethics. If there is a message for parents in Nussbaum's piece, it is understanding how this generation of teens has simply embraced technology as an extension of their identities and offline lives. And that as a result of an increasingly exhibitionistic culture combined with the democraticization of media and fame, many young people are becoming more comfortable sharing their personal thoughts and feelings with the world.

What's interesting about this is that when I started researching my book, many teens didn't realize their personal blogs or MySpace profiles could be seen by anyone besides their friends. I still think this holds true in that teens don't expect adults (parents, teachers, authorities) to be looking at their public profiles and become quite upset when they do. As a counterpoint to Nussbaum's piece, I would argue that there has also been a big increase in teens who are using enhanced privacy settings to keep their profiles private.

Posted by anastasia at 8:23 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

When I was writing Totally Wired, I asked the parents I interviewed about online pornography, whether they thought their teens had looked at it, and if they had spoken to them about it. I found that for mothers of boys, this was a tricky issue. One mom was very vocal in how she had a sit down with her son after seeing where he and his friend had gone in his browser history. She explained the concept of objectification to him and shared her values on the subject. Other parents seemed to shy away from this type of confrontation or conversation, either because they trusted their teens or felt like viewing pornography online is just part of boys being boys.

According to a new study, 42 percent of Internet users aged 10 to 17 surveyed said they had seen online pornography in a recent 12-month span. Of those, 66% said they did not want to view the images and had not sought them out. For any parents who have not encountered or searched for pornography online, let's just say a lot of what's online is not your father's Playboy. The reality that a high percentage of teens are either stumbling upon these images or searching for them, means parents need to proactively talk about this issue with kids and teens. Installing filtering software can help, but it's not full proof. I know it's hard enough to talk about sex and sexuality with teens, but if you don't, they'll learn about it somewhere else. And I don't think you want them learning about it from pornographers.

The challenge in having this discussion is not to make your teen feel bad or ashamed for looking at porn or even searching it out -- especially if you catch him or her in the act. Instead, view this talk as an opportunity to share your values around pornography and how consuming too much of it can be damaging to your child's perception of what constitutes normal and healthy sexuality. Here are a couple of articles that might help:

Boys and Porn: What's Normal? (Family Education Network)
So Your Kid is Looking at Porn. What next? (Safe Kids)

Posted by anastasia at 5:32 PM | Permalink

The heat is now officially on MySpace. They are being sued by parents who allege that their 14 and 15-year-old daughters were sexually assaulted by adults on MySpace. They are also being threatened by Attorney Generals from 33 states if the site can't demonstrate that it's safe for the minors who spend hours socializing there. In response, MySpace announced it will be offering an application they are calling Zephyr that parents can download to monitor when their teen is logging into MySpace from anywhere. Teens will know they're being tracked, and the program will only give parents access to profile changes (like age, city, state) and let them know that their teen has logged in. It won't show parents the actual profile.

I don't want to rip on MySpace for trying to do something in the face of what has become a moral panic, but the reality is that you could get that same information by just asking your teen. And, according to a 2005 Pew report, "parents who use Internet filtering software to police their children tend to be Internet users themselves, and that more moms (59 percent) report the use of filtering software than dads (49 percent)." I'm convinced that in addition to parents who just don't believe filters are that effective or are too invasive, there are also a lot of parents who would not know what software to buy or how to install it. I'm also convinced these same parents won't know how to download and use Zephyr.

But it's not just whether or not parents are tech savvy enough to use technology to monitor their teen's MySpace activity. I just don't see how downloading any application can replace having multiple conversations with your teen about Internet safety, privacy and online etiquette.

Talking to teenagers can be tough. They can be moody, appear uninterested or distracted (even answer a text message in the middle of your conversation) and they often like to act as if they know everything. They might look at you like you're crazy, roll their eyes and just say in that exaggerated tone, "Yeah. I know." If you're a parent, you can't be deterred by typical teenage behavior. I honestly believe that even though teens will display these outward signs of resistance -- they want and need you to talk to them.

MySpace is a virtual public space inhabited by teens and adults. Just like the mall or a park or a city square is a real public space. The internet does make it easier for predators to appear less creepy -- they can pose as teens and cajole and manipulate in ways that your typical predator couldn't do face-to-face (unless it's someone they know, like a parent or family member, which is more often the case). This means parents have to be extra vigilant about helping teens set up the right privacy settings on their accounts and have a healthy suspicion of anyone they don't know who approaches them on MySpace. Parents have to drive home the dangers of teens using the internet to flirt with anyone they don't know (whether they're teens, adults, or adults posing as teens). And then, after you have done all of that, just as you do when you let your teen go to the mall or the movies with their friends, you have to take a deep breath and trust that they will do the right thing.

Software isn't going to do this for you. And while I understand the anger these families have over what may have happened to their daughters, I don't think a lawsuit is going to solve the underlying problem of why these girls decided it was ok to meet a guy in person they had only interacted with online. I'm not anti-filtering for younger kids and teens, just as I support parents who keep the computer in a central location for this same age group. I just believe that technology can't replace talking.

Related commentary on Zephyr

MySpace - The "Un"Announcement
CBS' Larry Magid: New Software Will Show How Children Represent Themselves Online
By Letting Parents Spy On Kids, MySpace Breaks A Little

Posted by anastasia at 6:18 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

We all remember how important the concept of privacy is when you're a teenager. From posting "Keep Out!" signs on your bedroom door to hiding your diary to pleading with your parents to leave you and your friends alone, part of growing up is individuating from your family. At the same time, I believe that teenagers need and want adult mentors and role models in their lives, whether it's a parent, teacher, coach, youth minister, youth worker, or friend of the family.

I've blogged before about how online communities have become the new mall or hang out for teenagers. This means that in their minds, it's a space just for them. Even though many teens now get that their public profiles can be viewed by anyone, there is still a protectiveness over "their space" and a strong desire to not share it with parents or other adults.

There's a really interesting post over at the MacArthur Foundation blog Spotlight on Digital Media and Learning on how teens in Teen Second Life (a teens-only section of the virtual reality game Second Life) feel about adults setting up islands on their "grid." To my knowledge there are only a couple islands and both are run by excellent non-profit organizations who are providing top notch educational content for teens. Also, the adults on these islands cannot enter the main teen grid, but teens can visit the islands. Some of the teens interviewed were fine with the islands and even welcoming of the adult interaction, but a couple were not. I found this quote really interesting:

"I view Global Kids as a despicable attack on TSL's existence as a place for teen's to take a break from real life and be able to have a world entirely grown by them. I also view GK as an attempt to impose their well-meaning, but still imposing beliefs on others, and to mold personalities. Also GK seems likely to be spawned by the same people who create ESRBs (the rating board that attacks games with little detailed descriptions), MPAAs (the movie rating organization prone to giving ratings for speaking up about issues) and probably RIAAs (the music industry association known for blocking free speech and creativity) too."

Even the most well meaning adults can be viewed as "the man" when they are seen as setting up shop inside a youth space that is supposed to be completely by and for youth. Another teen reacted by saying, if teens weren't allowed in the regular version of Second Life, than adults should not even be allowed on islands within the teen grid. Unlike There.com (another virtual reality environment) and most social networking sites, Second Life has opted to completely segregate teens from the main grid (which is full of adult content). Any time a space has truly been claimed by teens as their own (even if there are adults around, like on MySpace), it is going to be challenging for adults to try to interact without being seen as invading.

It made me think back to when I was interviewing teens on MySpace for the book. Instead of just posting in the Class of '06 group or contacting any teens directly, I went through the group leader, asking if he would post my survey for me. I ended up getting close to 50 responses -- I know if I had asked myself, it would have been far less, maybe even none.

Teens wanting their own space and being fiercely protective of it is normal. This is important to remember and balance with the responsibility of being a parent and your right to know what your teen is doing online. I actually think you can find out more by asking about (instead of demanding to know) what your teen does online -- if your teen is getting in lots of trouble already, disregard my take and do what you feel you need to do. But I think you can get teens to show you different sites and features and open up without forcing them to show you their own profile right away (they may offer to share it with you naturally as you build a dialogue and trust with them around these issues).

The other takeaway from this is that most teens on sites where there are adults (like MySpace) actually want nothing to do with them. It's all about socializing within their network, their world (mostly made up of teens they know offline or teens they met through a mutual offline connection). Most teens are smart about this and have applied the don't talk to adult strangers rule to their digital lives. Unless someone is posing as a teen (and is really good at it), you can sleep easier knowing that their space on MySpace really is THEIR space.

Posted by anastasia at 8:48 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

They instant message while doing homework with the TV or favorite music on and then fire off a text message while responding to a parent in the other room. It's a bird! A plane! It's your multi-tasking teen! Much has been said about teens' seeming ability to do several things typically involving technology simultaneously. And while this is true to a degree, many experts and even a few teens themselves question whether they're doing any particular task really well.

One of the teens I interviewed for Totally Wired admitted that while her generation may have gotten really good at multi-tasking, she can't really do it. She said, "If I'm doing my homework and get a phone call, I have to turn off the music. I just have to put something away or turn it off. Some people are insane, they will even talk using the speaker phone."

The Sacramento Bee recently ran a story on teens and multitasking and referred to the following findings from the Kaiser Foundation's 2005 research:

- The actual number of hours devoted to media has remained the same at 6 1/2 hours a day, but teens are spending more of that time multitasking.

- While watching TV, reading, listening to music or using a computer, about a quarter of kids surveyed said they use another form of media at the same time.

One of the most comprehensive stories on this issue was published in TIME magazine back in March and can be read online here. The TIME article asserts that successful teen multi-tasking when it comes to homework is a myth:

"When people try to perform two or more related tasks either at the same time or alternating rapidly between them, errors go way up, and it takes far longer--often double the time or more--to get the jobs done than if they were done sequentially, says David E. Meyer, director of the Brain, Cognition and Action Laboratory at the University of Michigan: 'The toll in terms of slowdown is extremely large--amazingly so.' Meyer frequently tests Gen M students in his lab, and he sees no exception for them, despite their 'mystique' as master multitaskers. '

The bottom line is that you can't simultaneously be thinking about your tax return and reading an essay, just as you can't talk to yourself about two things at once,' he says. 'If a teenager is trying to have a conversation on an e-mail chat line while doing algebra, she'll suffer a decrease in efficiency, compared to if she just thought about algebra until she was done. People may think otherwise, but it's a myth. With such complicated tasks [you] will never, ever be able to overcome the inherent limitations in the brain for processing information during multitasking. It just can't be, any more than the best of all humans will ever be able to run a one-minute mile.'"

Instead of watching your teen in front of the computer from a distance, worrying that they are spending too much time online, or that their multitasking is hurting their schoolwork, try asking them the following questions in a friendly, non-confrontational way:

- Is being online distracting you from getting your homework done? Is it taking you a lot longer to complete assignments? Does it make it easier to procrastinate?
- Can you really concentrate with the music or TV on?
- When your friends call or IM while you're doing your homework, how does that affect your concentration? Do you have to go back and reread or redo what you were doing?

Based on how this conversation goes, i.e. if it's clear they are struggling, there may be some really practical things your teen can do to make the most of their study time like:

- Turn down the music or TV or turn it off
- Create an "I'm studying" away message on IM
- Turn the cellphone off (so they can't get calls or texts)
- Stay offline when they are word processing or doing something that just needs to get done (without the Internet)

See also: The CBSNews.com article "This is your brain online."

Update: The Kaiser Foundation just released a new study on how teens multitask.

Posted by anastasia at 9:54 PM | Permalink

Here are a few interesting links/ideas to help you navigate the digital landscape:

Cingular's texting bees for parents (Cingular will hold a series of interactive "texting bees" around the country early next year to teach parents how to send text messages to their children...) (New York Times, reg. required...I'll update this with a link to where and when as soon as I find one)

ReputationDefender (new company that will allegedly help you clean up your teen's digital trail if necessary)

Try either the Teen Chat Decoder or Internet Slang Translator to decipher acronyms your teen might be using.

Posted by anastasia at 8:00 PM | Permalink

I was reading this Associated Press story in USA Today about how the music industry is suing a mom for her teens' illegal downloading of over 1K songs. Personally I think these types of lawsuits only make the industry look like a big bully, but that's not the point of this post. The judge in the case called mom an "Internet illiterate parent" and now the recording industry is going after her two teens (one is 16, the other is now 20).

Reading the judge's phrase made me wonder how many "Internet illiterate parents" there are out there right now? In some ways the title of this post is more rhetorical since anyone reading this blog is online and can navigate the Web. But evidently there are parents who have never heard of filesharing and who don't know that teens (and adults) can still find and download music illegally from the Internet. I'm guessing these parents also don't know what a blog is or how MySpace works or what it means to IM. I can't imagine that the number of Internet illiterate parents is very large, but it seems to me that if you're going to buy your kids a computer they can use in the house, you are obligated to become literate.

Take a class! I interviewed a woman named Eileen Mullen for the book who runs a company called Genuine Class that offers computing classes for families in the New York City area. Whatever fear parents (or teachers) have about using technology can and will be overcome by taking classes in a supportive environment like this. And if you don't have the time or money, have your teen show you the kinds of sites they spend time on and how they work. It's great quality time you can spend together and an opportunity to share your own values. You don't have to be Internet literate to know that it's illegal to steal free music and if you steal enough of it, you might get caught.

Posted by anastasia at 10:48 PM | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBacks (1)

Today I posted a comment in response to Mark Glaser's post on the PBS blog Media Shift about how much technology and social media teens are using -- is it too much? Is it dangerous and isolating? Mark did a great job at breaking down the upside and the downside to being totally wired, but I wanted to reprint my comment here about the different parenting styles I encountered while writing the book and what I hope will be "the third way" or an approach adopted by as many parents, teachers and adults in general as possible. Here's what I said:

The parents I interviewed for my book Totally Wired (out March 20) generally fall into three camps:

1) Those who want to just turn it off - especially if they've had a negative incident with MySpace or IM, they may forbid the use of this social media. Otherwise, they've read the coverage, believe the predator hype or don't see all of the positive potential of using technology (outside of just doing homework) and want to force their kids to unplug. These parents will block, filter and limit teen internet use severely.

2) Those who set no limits (see no evil, hear no evil...) - These parents are either not Internet savvy and have no idea what their teens are doing online or believe their teens know more than they do about the technology and therefore just trust them to make the right decisions about how to use it. They are hands off...often until something happens (another parents tells them about something inappropriate on their teen's MySpace profile, etc.). The problem here is that they are abidicating the responsibility of having any real discussion of online ethics, media literacy or information literacy.

3) Parents who get it - They know their teens may know more about how to use technology or certain websites than they do, so they ask their teens to show them what they're doing, what sites they visit and how they work, and in the process, open up a dialogue. Throughout this discussion they are reinforcing their values about how to be online (something they can teach teens) - how to treat other people online ethically, what it means to have a public site, being media literate and critical of what they see, their views of online pornography, etc. They may insist the computer is in a central space and set healthy limits that encourage teens to unplug, but they are not dependent on software or technology to parent for them.

In my mind, those of us who are active around these issues should be pushing hard to help educate and cultivate the third type of parent -- to close the gap that is widening between teens and their parents as a result of teens being "totally wired" (and in their own digital worlds) and take advantage of this moment in time to open up a conversation that ultimately will bring parents and teens closer together.

Posted by anastasia at 4:58 AM | Permalink

When I was writing the book, a colleague at work wisely told me that she thought the aha moment for this generation will be when they finally decide to unplug. While there are many benefits to all of the technology this generation has grown up using, there are pitfalls to being hyper-connected or constantly tethered through a device. Just today Reuters reported that Internet addiction is growing among U.S. adults.

Jim Taylor a marketing consultant from the Harrison Group, was sharing their latest research at a conference I attended this week called What Teens Want. He touched on this issue when he explained that that the constant sharing about what you're doing all the time via technology is having the effect of making all moments all equally important. He said there is slippage in the ability to discriminate about when it's appropriate to share or communicate, i.e, teens don't know the meaning of the word "shut up." I would amend this to say that they just don't know when to shut it off.

Martha Irvine, who writes for the Associated Press, recently wrote a story on the beginning of what may be a saturation point, at least on the college level...at least with one student who decides to unplug from social networking and focus on his face-to-face friendships.

I think we are far from this generation reaching a collective aha moment, but I think teens who have been burned on MySpace or by cyberbullying or even just cyberdrama, are likely to cut back after an incident. I also think some parents are starting to try to put limits on their children's screen time and push them to go outside and play or read a book.

To me it's all about balance (yes, I'm a Libra) -- anything in excess is unhealthy, including technology. Even with all of the positive aspects of teens being online (meeting diverse friends from all over the world, overcoming shyness, trying on different identities, endless discovery and learning), it's important to also be in the non-digital, non-virtual world. The difference between an emoticon and seeing your friend crack up at your joke is huge.

Or as Meghan, one of the teens I interviewed for the book (who is now in college) said:

"I try to experience the world as more than a screen. I don't spend a lot of time in front of the computer, I try not to. I try to be outdoors as much as possible because that's what's important to me. I listen to music on my player and everything but I try to go to concerts -- to shows as much as possible. I have loads of friends in bands, I've been in three or four bands."

I think it's important for parents to help teens find this balance and explain why it's important -- and guess what, you don't have to be totally wired to do it.

Posted by anastasia at 5:03 AM | Permalink