I spoke to parents last night in Hyannis, Cape Cod, and sensed a strong desire to be able to control their teen's computer use as much as possible. Some of the parents were proud they had figured out how to successfully outwit their teens by being able to find out where they had gone online or having their son or daughter's passwords. Others seemed confident they had blocked their teen's ability to go on MySpace from home. Of course we know teens will find a way around that stuff, create multiple profiles and get on MySpace somewhere else.

At the same time, I'm prepping for a TV interview where I'm supposed to help parents learn "teen speak" aka acronyms teens are using in text messaging. The thought I keep having is, yes, parents need to engage and be involved in their teen's digital lives. But the notion that they can outwit them or stay a step ahead of them seems like wishful thinking. The teacher at the Hyannis presentation used the digital natives/digital immigrants metaphor to help parents better understand their outsider status when it comes to how intuitively teens get around online...and get around filtering and monitoring.

It's important for parents to have multiple conversations with teens, to be curious and ask them questions about where they go and who they're hanging out with online. With younger kids and tweens, filtering/blocking can be effective, but they'll figure out how to get around it eventually. I don't think every parent has to take computer classes to engage with teens about their digital lives (though it's certainly helpful).

Attempting to control teens (especially 15 and up) online, or trying to learn every acronym you think they might use is less effective than putting your energy into building open communication with them where you can talk regularly about what they're doing online, being safe, and using technology appropriately. You're not going to become a "digital native" by taking a computer class. To me that term describes growing up using this technology and not needing classes or manuals to figure it out (in a basic intuitive sense -- I don't think the average teen is a full blown computer geek). By letting them be the experts, you can ask them to sit down and show you their favorite sites and how they work, ask lots of questions about privacy, about what they post and more in the process. Teens tend to be disparaged by most adults for being loud, obnoxious, rebellious, etc. This is an opportunity to show them some respect and admiration for something that comes naturally to them.

You don't have to be a computer whiz to be a "totally wired" parent (and if you make that a requirement, it's too easy to put it off and not get involved). You don't have to know every acronym (you can't know every acronym). You can begin to engage right now by just talking to your kids, sit with them at the computer, ask who's on their buddy lists, ask them to show you where they go, set limits on technology use and teach them information literacy and appropriate use.

The Totally Wired Parent/Educator Tour is being sponsored by Beinggirl.com.