Anastasia Goodstein Published by Anastasia Goodstein, Totally Wired (the blog) is a resource for parents, aunts, uncles, teachers, librarians youth workers or any adult trying to decode what teens are doing online and with technology. Read more.

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The Importance Of Connecting IRL (In Real Life)

Are we different online than we are in person? Is this the same as being different around your boss than you are around your friends? And, does spending lots of time communicating digitally damage our face-to-face communication skills?

These are some of the questions spurred by growing up "totally wired." Unless you're online as a character either in a game or an avatar with a different name and personality, I don't think you're fundamentally different than you are offline. You may be expressing another dimension of your personality or say more than you would IRL, but it's still one aspect of you. And depending on the context, i.e. a profile on a professional network vs. a personal profile or blog, you may reveal more or less about yourself. That said, it is easier to lie about yourself online -- nobody can see your eye twitch! I do think that when the balance tips to spending too much time communicating digitally vs. face-to-face, something is lost. Young people are beginning to get this, too. A few quotes from a recent CNN article on how college freshman are using Facebook illustrate this:

"There is always the underlying suspense that they are not [the same] in person as they are online. Sometimes it's easier to meet people in person because then you can judge body language and vocal tone."

"[Online,] you don't know how honest someone is being about themselves. You can't detect any gaping and obvious annoyances that would be easy to see in person."

"It's harmless to chat with people in groups and get to know the kind of people you'll be meeting. But it's more important to meet people on campus, it will be much easier for these friendships to grow. Facebook should just be a starting-off point for meeting new people, and more importantly, a way to keep in touch with people you meet in real time."

There was a recent study by a Harvard Business School professor that basically asserted using gadgets/tech too much to communicate is making us more shy. It can definitely become a crutch. It's just easier to engage in conflict or deal with a difficult situation online than face-to-face. But easier isn't always better or appropriate. While it seems like it should be common sense, I think part of raising kids and teens in this digital age is not only setting limits on technology use, but teaching them when it's appropriate to text and when it's crucial to talk.

And...that it's also crucial to tell your teen to "Turn down your iPod!"

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You are so right!! My boyfriend and I love what you do!!!

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