It's been an interesting process "honing my message" about why I wrote this book. In some ways I feel like with every new group of parents I speak to, it becomes more clear. Sensationalism breeds fear. And fear-based parenting or decision making is not going to bring parents and teens closer together.

According to a new survey, adult Americans were ranked 17 different health concerns for children living in their communities. Internet safety was ranked number seven, after teen pregnancy and above school violence, STDs and abuse and neglect.

There has been a lot of headline grabbing coverage of online predators or stranger danger and what kids and teens are doing wrong online or with cell phones -- whether it's bullying, stalking, or posting inappropriate content. There are predators out there, but the reality is most teens just ignore them or delete them like the creepy spam they are. And yes, teens make stupid choices sometimes (I'm sure we all remember a few poor choices of our own), they just have a more public forum to do it in. But the reality is that teens are using technology to do mostly benign stuff -- listen to music, write on a blog (yes they're writing!), keep in touch with old friends, make plans, connect with other teens around similar interests or causes, decorate they're MySpace page or avatar as a way of expressing themselves.

Parents will often say to me, "I just don't get why they have to instant message" or "why do they spend so much time doing that stuff?" When you think about what teens are doing from an adult perspective, it doesn't make sense. But when you try to remember how much time you spent as a teen just hanging out with friends talking about a whole lot of nothing, or talking to a boyfriend or girlfriend you thought was the "end all be all" for hours...about nothing, you start to understand how being able to do this digitally as well as in person is appealing, and well normal.

My message is this: Teens are still teens, doing all of things teens have always done -- just digitally. The nature of technology raises some different and challenging issues: it's public, permanent, viral, anonymous (or it can be), distancing and has an addictive quality to it. Because of these issues, parents need to step up, engage, discuss, limit and guide teens in their use of technology. You can't do this effectively from a position of alarm or fear. That's my message and I'm sticking to it.