The other day I read a reporter's query looking for experts to explain (from a psychological perspective) why teens who seemingly never get into trouble are now posting bullying videos on YouTube or other inappropriate content online. It's as if the reporter's working theory was that "the internet made me do it." I don't believe any teen who is getting into trouble online wouldn't be getting into trouble offline. It's just that when you do it online, the public nature of the internet means more people know about it.

Last week, a company called Teenage Research Unlimited released the results of a survey that found "more than a third of the teens questioned for the survey said a boyfriend or girlfriend had harassed them with text messages, and a quarter said their partner had used a cell phone, e-mail, blog or Web chat to insult them." According to Reuters, "the survey was released at the launch of the loveisrespect.org, The National Teen Dating Abuse Hotline, an Internet and telephone service to help teenagers involved in abusive relationships."

Ironically, another research company, Harris Interactive, also released a survey (.pdf) arguing that most teens get when it's appropriate to use technology to communicate about sensitive issues and when it's not. Two in three youth would not break up with someone and two in five would not argue with a friend over phones, email, instant messaging, text messaging or social networking sites. I wonder if there is a gap between teens saying they "realize that communication tools may not be the best avenue of discussion" and actually replacing these tools with a phone call or in person conversations.

My take is just that teens are teens, sometimes they are impulsive and inappropriate. And with dating violence, technology just offers teens another tool to manipulate and control a victim. The biggest challenge for parents and educators in being able to use teen mistakes as teachable moments is that you often don't hear about them. The Teen Research Unlimited study pointed out that "most victims of the abuse are reluctant to discuss it with their parents." Here's why:

Asked about why they had not told their parents about the abusive behavior, nearly half said the problem was not serious, and more than a quarter said they feared losing access to the technology, either cell phone or computer, the survey said.

This applies to anything that goes awry in cyberspace. If they fear the punishment is losing access, teens will most likely not talk to you about what's going on. I would suggest telling your teens they can always talk to you about what's happening in their lives, online and off. Preempt their fear by encouraging them to tell you when bad things happen online and letting them know that you won't take away their access to technology. Depending on the severity of the situation, you may get more involved in their technology use (if they are being bullied, change their email address, IM names, report the incident to your internet service provider, etc.), but even if they are the ones screwing up, tell them you won't cut them off (at least not forever).

In sort of related news:

There's always "better parenting through technology" with new software being developed to allow parents to set detailed parameters on their children's phone use. And AT&T/Cingular is also offering parental controls for wireless.

Update: Rick emailed to say: "I would like to offer a partial answer to your question of why teens who never get in trouble, send offensive e-mail/make offensive videos. There is a certain anonymity present on the Web (we encourage it even to protect the kids). Behind this anonymity, teens feel free to act other than what they normally would.

Just as a historical perspective, one of the comments about the Civil War soldiers who first joined the army, they acted in a manner completely opposite to what they would do at home (gambling, cursing, drinking, other stuff). The anonymity afforded by being a part of a large group of men in a location far from home, removed the restraints from their inhibitions (much like the Internet-although that's pushing the analogy a bit).

It's one of the paradoxes of the Internet, "avatars" protect our kids' security but by the same token, the anonymity allows the kids to act in ways that jeopardizes the security of others."