Instant messaging is fun. I do it occasionally to catch up with old friends or co-workers. If you're an adult and happen to be busy, it can also be very annoying. Having a window pop up when you're in the middle of something can literally feel like someone jumping into your office and screaming "Boo!" I've also been in a situation with a co-worker who got pretty flirty over IM and crossed the line. I literally stayed logged out for weeks.

Unlike most adults, teens don't mind the interruptive nature of instant messaging, even when (or especially when) they're doing their homework. They are mega multi-taskers who can maintain multiple conversations on IM while also watching TV or listening to music.

The nature of communicating via IM demands short form. Teens often speak in acronyms so they can say more in a shorter amount of time -- it's just efficient. Emoticons like smileys or sad faces can accentuate an emotion or soften up what could be biting sarcasm. Teens are very adept at navigating these types of virtual interactions since they have grown up doing it and do it for several hours a day.

It's also a great tool for safe flirting (yes it is natural for teens to flirt with each other) -- there isn't the same pressure as you would have face to face and it's exciting to wait and anticipate what the person you're flirting with over IM will say next.

In the case of Mark Foley, the disgraced Representative from Florida, he used instant messaging to flirt with teenage pages. They knew who he was, and because he was such a powerful person, many of them went along with it (though some of them reported it). I actually think these types of situations -- when the predator is someone in the teen's offline life who they know and who holds power over them -- are the worst case scenario. USA Today recently ran a story about how in the wake of the Foley scandal, employers are working to educate teen workers about harrassment and workplace rights (seems like something they should have been doing a long time ago). I think they should also expand their sexual harrassment training for adults to include digital forms of harrassment.

When it's a complete stranger, teens usually figure it out quickly, even if the predator is posing as another teen. If it's someone they don't know, most teens will be leery and block this person. It's younger kids and tweens that you need to really make aware that there are adults who will do this (sometimes using the name of a popular pop star) and how to spot them and block them.

Some of the parents I interviewed for the book insisted on keeping the computer in a central location and asking teens who was on their buddy lists. Others would not let their younger teens use instant messenger at all, and still others just trusted that their teens knew what they were doing. Every parent is different.

Then there's the technology solution. One new software program called IMSafer that, once installed, monitors IM traffic for text that's likely coming from (or going to) a predator, and sends an email alert to the person who set up the service. It's pretty smart software in that if it's installed at your child's friend's house and catches something under your child's screen name, it still sends YOU the alert. But it's also easy for older teens to disable. You can read more about it in this CNET review.

My take on technology solutions in general is that they are great for younger kids and tweens. But no technology solution replaces your job as a parent to understand how instant messaging technology works, what the risks are and to talk to your kids about how to be safe and ethical when IMing.

Update: I received this email today from a reader named Michelle who wrote:

"Thank you for your commentary and tips. I work with teens and parents and use your site to stay up on trends, etc.

I am forwarding the link for the article on IMing to my parents and teens with an invitation to start a conversation about this issue in their household if they have not already. As a starting point for conversation, I think this article is an excellent resource."

I can't wait to hear how the conversation goes...